Because I want something to look back on.
There’s something to be said for furious note-taking and logging your thoughts. It seems really cool to be able to browse back in time and see how your perception of the world has changed over the years. And that’s sort of what ‘m doing here, but not quite. I’m not putting raw thought to paper.
“I have to write something today” dilutes a single thought, or forces me to conjure thoughts out of nothingness. This happens partially because I’m putting everything through a filter. I restrict myself in the interest of public appearance. But maybe I should stop caring?
I’m not delusional enough to think what I write here has a significant impact on the world. While it’s nice to hear from my readers and know my texts reached them (though I doubt anyone’s really affected), that’s not really what I’m in this for. I’m in this for myself. And if I’m in this for myself, then why am I cutting down the utility this delivers in favor of presenting something that’s only “better” from a point of view I don’t want to put myself in?
The filter needs to go. But after writing with it on for over five years, that sounds kinda scary.