Fang Talks

bitter > feed
27 01 17

Success story

At the risk of coming across like a wanker: the entirety of this post.

Things are looking up for me. Have been, for the past while. Successful internship, graduation, instant job offers. I’m not terribly ill, I enjoy my work and hobbies, and I’m not struggling with finance. Hell, I’d say things aren’t just looking up, they’re looking super duper good. Strangely, the situation has but one flaw: it’s too perfect.

No, I don’t mean in the “shit what am I overlooking” sense, though that also plays a small part
Of course there’s that sense of “oh shit what am I overlooking”, but there’s something even worse: I’m better off than some of my friends. And for some reason, I feel kind of bad for that? There’s not much I can do about it, I can’t give them some of my luck. No reason to feel guilty about that, but I still do.

Maybe part of that is not having big problems of my own to share. Sometimes you just want to have a fun night bitching about what the fuck ever with friends, but really I don’t have much to bitch about. It’s kind of frustrating?
Also I don’t learn anything from living this struggle-free life. A lack of challenges teaches me nothing but leisure. Eh, the internship was kinda tough, but I still made it through easy.

Is that where my desire to travel comes from? Experience some kinds of struggles? I wouldn’t be able to tell.
~ Fang

Comments

  • 30/01/2017 (1:36 PM)

    I think that you would benefit from some travel, but you should settle yourself into work first. There’s nothing wrong with being a success, but I can see why it might bother you; especially if you compare yourself to your less successful friends. I wish I had an answer for you but “don’t feel guilty about it” didn’t work.

    • 30/01/2017 (11:34 PM)

      Hindsight on this post actually tells me that the fact that I care enough to see their struggles and don’t throw salt on their wounds says more than the whispers of my insecurities, but eh.

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