A couple days ago someone commented on a blog post I made over five years ago.
They called me out for being triggered or something. Of course I had no idea what the post was actually about, so I had to check to make sure the allegations weren’t unjust. They weren’t. There was a distinct lack of “chill” in the post, and I couldn’t recall a cause for the rather pointless whining it did. So honestly, there was nothing for me to do but agree with the commenter.
It’s one of the many ways in which keeping a “nonsense allowed” blog like this for a long time can get weird. There’s plenty of passages on here I can’t recall writing, much less imagine what prompted it or why I felt about things the way I did. It can be interesting, sure, but more often it is confronting. You can very clearly see things about yourself that have changed, including the stuff of which you said “this is the most optimal, I’ll never change this about me”.
I’d judge myself to be in a fairly good spot these days, but what if I read my posts from this year back in, say, 2020? Will I see myself now, the same way I currently see myself from 2011? Or will I not have changed enough for that?
Honestly, they’re both kinda scary options.