Fang Talks

too old for this shit
28 11 16

Not every day

It isn’t every day you can say you’ve done something worthwhile.

And while that’s perfectly okay, I wonder if I’m not secretly, accidentally trying to force myself to be able to say so anyway. Sure, it’s nice just lounging some days, but I always have this weird feeling. Like when you know you’re forgetting something but you’re not sure what. Something that makes me a bit uneasy, makes me feel less comfortable just being comfy. Like I haven’t hit some arbitrary quota and my day hasn’t been worth living yet because of it.

I don’t even want to speculate it, but who really knows if this blog plays a role in that. Hell, it’s the one thing I have done most consistently over the past (nearly!) six years. And it’s something I’m proud of, enough to force myself to uphold to the standard I set so long ago. And that does mean I produce output every single day, but it doesn’t always leave me satisfied. More often then not, it’s either neutral (“same old routine”) or negative (“wow what a shit post, but I can’t do better today”).

And yet, I come back day after day to write my words and send them outward. Trying to hit that quota, I suppose. But if that keeps me from really relaxing, do I want that in my life? It doesn’t directly contribute to my happiness. There’s indirect influences, sure, but there’s many more efficient sources.

See, this is one of those days again.
~ Fang

Comments

  • 01/12/2016 (7:36 PM)

    Well you need to do what makes you happy man. If you feel that something is missing then it’s up to you to find it. If you feel that something is getting in the way of that then maybe you need to drop it.

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