Because what else am I to do?
I can feel it, I’m closing in on the end of my time again. But I can’t, I mustn’t. I need to hold on a little longer. A month and some days, how hard can it be? Speaking from experience: very. My hands are getting in progressively worse shape again, I have noticed. But I need them, now more than ever. I need them to graduate, so I can stop using them for a little while. But if they won’t last, their hell will continue. And so will mine.
Maybe I just need to sit. Or stand. Or lay. And be. Just let the blood flow to my hands, freely, not straining them in the slightest. Not touching anything. Not fidgeting, not stretching. Nothing. I’d take them for a walk, swing them around in the fresh air of nature, but that’s not possible. My knee, too, needs rest.
I’m probably just going to power through it, whatever this tingling ends up feeling like a month from now. It won’t kill me, but it won’t make me stronger either. I know that much. Just gotta keep my eyes on the prize and hope I don’t fuck my hands up beyond saving.
If I do, I’ll have fucked myself up along with ’em.