Fang Talks

The answer is sex and money.

Fuck you, and go apologize to your baker!

I may or may not have meant the opening statement that harshly, but regardless, here’s an open letter to all picky eaters and philistines. Much like everything else in life, the crust of bread is there for a reason. That reason may not be entirely relevant to the purpose of your action “eating the bread”, but it exists nonetheless. A happy little side-effect, something that happened along the way, like the sand you displaced on a long beach walk.

It’s a coincidental part of a deliberate process, but that’s what makes it so real. It’s a part of the package, whether you like it or not. Picking the package apart works, sure, but you’ll be left with something that’s just not the whole package. It’s a piece of its contents, which might as well be something else entirely.

For some reason I feel really strongly about these things.
~ Fang


  • 08/09/2016 (8:02 PM)

    I once went on a date with a girl who asked the server to cut the crust off of her bread (she got a sandwich). I think I said something smartass like, “I hear servers can’t do that. Only mothers of 5 year old children.” She thought it was funny, but she was dead serious about the whole thing. I was just mortified. I never called her back after that.

    It sounds silly when you say it like that, but I’m an adventurous eater, and if she can’t even eat the crust on bread (or even peel it off herself), imagine how she’d react if I suggested my favorite Ethiopian restaurant* for date #2.

    *you eat with your hands, and it’s messy as fuck

    • 08/09/2016 (8:34 PM)

      >you eat with your hands
      Man, that actually sounds totally rad in a restaurant setting. Take me there if I ever drop by. (^:

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