Fang Talks

Sick fires

I can’t imagine a greater pleasure than being me.

I have my own palace, all-inclusive, and I’ve never had to work a day in my life. Soon after birth I got pulled away from my parents and siblings. I was the chosen one, the only being worthy of this divine lifestyle. My blood may be of common descent but my mind alone can truly appreciate what it means to be treated like the god of gods. No day is allowed to pass without my satisfaction.

To me it is no longer an experience, doing as I wish. It is a life motto. I can call upon any of my many workers at all hours of the day, and I will be given attention. Even as I’m sleeping the servants can’t keep off me. The most luxurious of meals fully prepared and served on the clock, just as I like them. Anything I do is tolerated, nothing will throw me off my throne. If I so chose, I could shit on the floor and have it cleaned up after me too, but I am no boor, I keep that business in the place it belongs.

Every so often, I roam outside the palace and mingle with more common folk. It is interesting to say the least. They share tales of their own respective heavens, but nothing they could ever have compares to the unlimited wealth I posses, and I’m not afraid to tell them so. Occasionally other males throw a hissing fit, which I’ll gladly mirror them in. Other times, heated females send themselves onto me.

Ah, you hear that? ‘Snuggles, I got your tuna snacks!’ That, my friend, is the sound of the good life.
~ Fang


  • 06/06/2016 (1:23 PM)

    It took me far too long to realise you weren’t talking about yourself. This was a good fun little piece. Speaking of cats, I should go feed mine.

    • 06/06/2016 (5:37 PM)

      Yeah, you go serve your king.

  • 04/06/2016 (2:27 AM)

    Haha. Initially, I thought you were writing about yourself, and I thought, I had no idea!”

    Then I thought it was a new fiction piece.

    Only after you’d finished did I catch what it was about.

    Very nice.

    So much better than dogs, which are basically lobotomized slaves.

    • 04/06/2016 (11:07 AM)

      Nah, dogs are just pleasers is all. Their loyalty to and appreciation of you makes them way better than cats in my book.

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