Fang Talks

Dynamic Loo

Continuation of a story about some guy who got assassinated, but lived to tell the killer to fuck off.

The assassin didn’t manage to get out a single word of explanation in the time it took Yegor to reshape his nose to its former glory. Blood dripped out of it, but he didn’t care. The floorboards were ruined already anyway. ‘Wait, stand still.’ he commanded the should-have-been murderer. Yegor let his eyes scan the dumbstruck face in front of him, carefully processing every detail he took in. ‘Wait.’ he repeated as shuffled over to his desk. Without looking, he slid open a drawer and pulled out a bundle of document. Without hesitation he ripped out the first page he laid his eyes on and inspected is closer. ‘Ivan Kalyelov?’

‘Y-yeah.’ Ivan stuttered. ‘That’s m-my name.’ He seemed nervous, but not afraid. His eyes were filled with a certain admiration, the kind you can only have for men that stood up after death.
Yegor dropped the paper to the ground. ‘Well kid,’ he said as he rubbed his fingers, ‘You picked the wrong guy to hit.’ In an instant he had grabbed the dagger off the shelf to his far right and lunged at Ivan before he could even blink. As Yegor punctured the kid’s throat, the faintest hint of a coy, sheepish smile appeared on Ivan’s face. But as swiftly as it had appeared, it vanished.

After cleaning up the dagger Yegor returned from the kitchen to find Ivan sitting behind his desk, reading the now blood-soaked document Yegor had looked at earlier. ‘Looks like we go way back!’ the kid spoke up, much too cheerfully.
‘I spare a child victim, and this is what I get?’ Yegor questioned, nearly falling to the floor again out of disbelief. ‘No wonder someone wanted you offed so soon, you got it too.’
Ivan stood up and rushed over to his target. ‘It’s an honor to get to meet you though!’ He took Yegor’s hand and shook it vigorously. ‘What a great coincidence!’

‘How do you know me? And who the fuck sent you?’ Almost immediately he reconsidered. ‘No, don’t tell me.’
Ivan had started talking already. ‘I just met you, but already a huge fan! I’ve actually never–‘
‘Stop.’ Yegor interrupted, a shivering violence audible throughout his short vocal burst. ‘Shut up, and get out.’
The admiration that had made Ivan’s eyes shine made place for disappointment. ‘But I–‘
‘Don’t want to ki–‘
‘Can I at least get your–‘
‘God fucking damn!’ For a moment, it seemed like the walls shook. Ivan tried his best to shake off the sudden tension while Yegor composed himself. ‘Look, kid. If you’re that big a fan, take my advice: There’s better things you can do with your… skills. Don’t throw your life away in a broken industry.’ He let a short silence pad his words. ‘Now get moving.’

In the time Yegor blinked, Ivan had made his escape. A cold gust swept through the room again. Not caring for the blood on the floor, Yegor stepped towards the window. ‘And pay for the cleanup!’ he shouted outside, before locking the warmth in once more.

I could have written some “let’s kill each other over and over” fight scenes, but nah. Hope you enjoyed it regardless!
~ Fang


  • 14/12/2015 (5:13 PM)

    Damn, I don’t know how we missed this. Yeah, I like the oddness of this, mainly in that someone’s trying to assassinate someone and the other guy’s pretty damn cordial about the whole thing. It made for a fun read. I hope we see more stories around here.

  • 11/12/2015 (3:41 AM)

    That was fun. Weird but that’s how I like it.

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