Buy now for 100% the actual price!
Tired of getting beat up on Black Friday, missing out on that huge discount? Cyber-hackers stole your internet, voiding any Cyber Monday deals? Christmas is right around the corner, but with your marriage in shambles and your boss continuing to breathe down your neck for that job-retaining overtime, it might turn into a very long, cold and lonely winter. But fear not, we’ve got just the thing you need!
Here at Sales & Big Bucks Corporations we value you dearly, both as a customer and a victim, so we want you to make this holiday season special. We got special deals on A-grade junk, three for the price of eight! And don’t forget about our top-shelf meaningless words and empty promises; they’re 50% extra shitty and going fast, so come get your share now!
This one’s for all the hip teens out there. We know how much you love spending money, especially when using that credit card you stole from your parents. Now we’re making it even easier for you to disappoint anyone who ever was foolish enough to believe in you! Over the coming weeks, payments made with select cards won’t bill until next year, so disowning you doesn’t stop the shit from flowing!
Satire, now double the price for just a quarter the quality!