Fang Talks

Double-reverse irony

Preface: I know this isn’t how things actually are, but it helps to think so.

I’m not always the most motivated person. Yes, I can talk for hours on end about something I’m passionate about, tell you about all the great ideas I’ll incorporate into my “next big thing”, but that ain’t worth anything. Saying you’re going to do something is nothing like actually doing something, much less doing the thing in as grand a way as you said you would. Words have meaning, but it’s not tangible in any way.

Every unproductive day that passes, every day I can’t say “yeah I did some programming stuff a couple hours ago” or something similar, it hurts me. It hurts me not only because I told myself to get to fucking work, but also because of how enthusiastic people were about the things I said I was working on. “That’s legit cool”, “oh and it’d also be useful for this and that”. Fuck. Every day I’m not making progress towards whatever goal I may have set is a day wasted, is a day spent disappointing those hopeful souls rather than rewarding their encouragement with actual results.

It’s something I struggle with. Yes, I definitely want to make all my cool ideas a reality, but isn’t it much easier to just forget about them and play a silly game or two? It brings just as much entertainment, with only half (or less!) the headache. But that’s also excuses. Excuses to avoid the work I need to be doing if I want to stay ahead of my peers.

Gotta justify this superiority complex somehow, right? (sob)
~ Fang

Comments

  • 14/08/2015 (4:53 AM)

    Making myself accountable by making Immortal Space update posts was a major way I dealt with inactivity. I didn’t want to disappoint anyone. I knew I’d feel bad if I told people I hadn’t worked as hard as I should have. You’re making yourself accountable but it’s not quite working as well for you it seems.

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