Okay, maybe just the bane of my last month, but who knows how long this will continue.
Truth be told, I’m feeling pretty damn sucky right about now. I still get by, if only barely, but I wonder for how long that’ll continue to be. Y’all know about the thing with me and RSI, right? The full-time computer job is getting to me and I have to use my free time to give my hands some rest, lest I strain them to the point of injury. Okay cool, so I got it under control. Yes and no. Yes as in the obvious, no as in my personal life has taken a deep plunge into the “shit sucks yo”.
It’s no secret I spend most my entire days behind my computer. Keeping up with the haps, enjoying a game or two with friends, and… my hobbies. To me, programming is love, programming is life. It is also a lot of typing, which is a bad thing in my current situation. I’m essentially forced to drop all the things I enjoy doing in favor of physical health. And I can’t just say “fuck my health”, because if things go wrong I’ll just be in the same spot, except for my job too.
The passion is still there, the ideas are still coming, but it’s all starting to fade a bit. Like my soul is slowly slipping out of my body. I entertain myself through the less interactive digital media like film, but it’s just not what I want right now. I try telling myself that when it’s over and I have the freedom to do as I please again, I’ll use the long wait and pile of ideas to kickstart my productivity and reignite my passion. But that glimmer of hope is overshadowed by the fear that maybe things will be like this forever. Maybe interacting with computers will always be like walking a tightrope, one little misstep and I fall. Hard.
Almost all of my attempts to not break down over this have proven successful. I can still do some light web browsing and write the daily post. But will it all hold? Will I hold?