Fang Talks

13 05 14

Caves, p86

Where was I going to take this again? (previous)

Andrea let out a sharp yelp as she fell to her knees, then dropped onto her side. The bullet had pierced her right thigh but never made it out the other side.
‘Ain’t what I was aimin’ for.’ the man mumbled while trying to load a second bullet into his gun. It clicked when he was done, but by the time he looked up Mitchell was standing right in front of him.
‘No.’ Mitchell sent a clenched fist over his shoulder, directly into the guy’s face. It took him by surprise. His nose gave a loud crack and the impact caused him to fall backwards.
He scrambled to get up, but Mitchell jumped onto his stomach. ‘I get it!’ he exclaimed, before getting another hit to the face.
Sitting on top of the man, Mitchell squeezed his ribcage with his legs as he delivered a couple more punches. ‘No!’ he repeated. Before long his victim’s visage was nothing more than an unrecognizable bloody mess.

‘Please… Stop.’ the mess gurgled, barely audibly. It- he tried raising an arm, but Mitchell grabbed hold of it and pulled it up.
‘No!’ he yelled a third time. He wrapped his free hand around the arm, near the elbow. A soft, warm glow was seen as the sleeve Mitchell was touching slowly burnt up, some of it melting with the man’s skin. He didn’t respond to it.
‘Mitch!’ Andrea hollered as loudly as she could. Roy had come to her aid, wrapped her leg to try and stop the bleeding, but she was still losing a lot of blood. Hearing her voice caused Mitchell to pause. ‘Please!’
He dropped the arm and wiped his dirty hand on the chest he was sitting on. It was only after he got up and turned around that the tears started to come.

‘Sorry!’ Mitchell cried as he dropped down in front of Andrea. ‘Sorry.’
She ground her teeth. ‘Shit, Mitch, just-‘ She breathed out heavily as another jolt of pain shot through her body.
‘We need to get her somewhere.’ Roy hurried him. ‘There’s only so much I can do!’ His hands were covered in blood, his eyes filled with fear.
Mitchell put one arm under her back, the other under her legs, and lifted her up. ‘Follow me.’

This took super long to write. Hope it turned out with as much impact as intended. (next)
~ Fang


  • 15/05/2014 (12:53 PM)

    *jolt. Other than that you’re pretty sound. Other than Mitchell punching over his shoulder but somehow hitting the guy in the face. I’m sure it made sense to you, but not as much as I’d like to me. Mitch needs to use them there healing powers he probably doesn’t have. If he can melt a guys clothes he can heal a wound. Or at least cauterize it to stop the bleeding.

    • 15/05/2014 (5:00 PM)

      I got what you meant, the over the shoulder punch. Like he was throwing a baseball. That really big windup. It’s called a haymaker. But I’m an MMA guy so I live and breathe punches to the face.

      My only slight gripe is this: “His nose gave a loud crack and the impact pushed him backwards, causing him to trip and fall.”

      Mitchell punched a man so hard he broke his nose and… made him trip. No no no, you don’t punch a man and make him trip, you punch a man so hard he drops to the ground like a sack of potatoes, dammit. Especially when you’re as mad as Mitchell is.

      Also, Andrea didn’t get shot in the femoral artery, did she? That blood loss could be fatal…

      • 15/05/2014 (9:02 PM)

        Heh, I was having trouble conveying the man’s downfall as well. I’ll try and change it up a bit, thanks.

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