Fang Talks

The answer is sex and money.
27 04 14

Caves, p82

Here we are once again. I am super tired, so I probably won’t make this too long. We’ll see. (previous)

‘Say what now?’ Andrea said fiercely. ‘What do you mean, not your problem?’
After arriving back in Whelhaven, the two had immediately gone to Warren. After bursting into his office and reporting the three men for unlawful behavior, the reaction they got was no more than a single sentence long.
‘Just as I said it, not my problem.’ Warren didn’t even look up from his paperwork as he calmly responded. ‘They’re perfectly within their rights. And those other folks they’re endangering aren’t Whelhaven citizens, so they don’t get any protection.’
‘Puh-lease,’ she grumbled. ‘You don’t keep track of that, you just don’t care.’

Mitchell leaned forward, and put a hand on top of some papers. ‘I know that you never said you’d prevent people from closing the hole, but there’ll be serious consequences if it happens.’ He cleared his throat, then continued. Warren was still scribbling away. ‘Apparently the gemergy in the air weakens creatures, much in the same way it affects us. If that’s gone, chances are populations will start growing.’
‘So?’ Warren stopped writing, and looked up soon after. ‘The Bastion’s always done well against monsters. And considering our numbers, we could handle an increase.’
‘God damn!’ The documents Mitchell’s hand was resting on were violently swiped off the table. ‘Your pride’s going to cost you, old man!’
He slammed the door wide open as he exited the office. The noise from the ground floor filled the silence that fell. Both Andrea and Warren were struck by Mitchell’s sudden outburst. When Andrea turned to follow her partner, she chuckled. ‘He sure told you.’

I feel like I’m pushing it with the arguments and reasoning the characters come up with. Sure it seems obvious to us, but we’re just observers. (next)
~ Fang

Comments

  • 28/04/2014 (5:16 PM)

    This is good, but “Mitchell swiped the documents his hand was resting on off the table” is a little awkward for a couple reasons. First off, saying “on off” back to back like that is a little odd. Plus, we hear that he swipes it, but then you mention his hand resting on it so I start picturing that instead.

    You mentioned earlier that he put his hand on it, so I think you could just say something like Mitchell swiped the documents off the table and be fine.

  • 28/04/2014 (1:18 PM)

    It might seem obvious to us, but we know everything. .It’s called “Dramatic irony” when the reader knows something the characters don’t. Anyway, this was a good instalment. I couldn’t really see anything wrong as far as grammar went. Keep at it.

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