Fang Talks

You just lost it

Do you ever look back on your earlier years in life and throw up a little when you realize how much of a little shit you were?

So as you grow and age physically, you also grow and/or mature more as a person. If you were to have a conversation with yourself from a couple years back, you’d find you two are actually really different in a surprising amount of aspects! And though nothing is inherently wrong with that, it does come with a fairly stupid problem. Your current self has much more life experience than your past self and can take a more or less neutral look at them, and so can easily see major flaws in, most commonly, personality and behavior.

I hate thinking about my younger self for that very reason. Young Fang is just so cringe-inducing, it’s detestable. I can’t believe how stupidly low my self esteem was, and like how much of a stupid dick I acted sometimes.
(Aside, I remember one time while in a dinosaur-related garden-thing for some “pal”‘s birthday party, his little brother went missing. The mother was, of course, stressing over where he could’ve gone, or worse, what could’ve happened. (Yes, he turned out fine, just wandering about.) Because the kid had annoyed me during the car ride there, I said something along the lines of “I wouldn’t even miss him that much.” This obviously wasn’t an acceptable thing to say, and I was rightfully punished (forced to apologize) for that. To this day I do not know how it didn’t occur to me saying that may not have been appropriate. How socially retarded do you even have to be?)
The fact that part of my behavior is stored digitally, and I sometimes come across it when digging through old files or bookmarks, definitely isn’t helping. The continuos remembrance is planting the memories stronger and stronger in my brain. Not to mention those dinners during which your parents fondly recall all the stupid shit you used to pull, and you’re just sitting there, “please shut up already, damnit.”

And sure, it feels good knowing you’re not that person anymore, that you’ve moved past that phase, but you still can’t take those actions back. Man, if only I could. There’s barely any nice things I can think of when I recall my past self.
~ Fang

Comments

  • Mark
    10/03/2014 (1:33 PM)

    The reason you’re nice now is because you were a dick back then and learned their lesson. We all have a dick phase, and some people take longer than others to get out of it. You ain’t that guy anymore and you can’t blame yourself for your past actions anymore than you can blame a person’s ancestors for theirs. You aren’t your past.

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