Fang Talks

There's a little bit of hipster in all of us.
11 02 14

Caves, p64

Oh man I haven’t given this any thought all week. Seems like so long since last part, too. (previous)

The hit echoed through the caves. Deep cracks had formed in the wall but it was still holding together, if only barely. The wyvern slowly peeled its tail off it. Mistake. Like the wall, Mitchell had been damaged, but was still alive and had succeeded in piercing the tail. As it moved off him, he got enough room to move his arms. To move his sword. He put forth every last bit of strength, every tiny ounce of energy he had left and pushed his blade up through the tail. He grunted as he managed to slice higher and higher.
With a yelp the wyvern pulled away its tail. Mitchell kept his sword in hand at the cost of falling forward. Oblivious to his injuries, he regained his posture and took a look at his enemy. Its tail was badly wounded, the part beyond the cut hanging limply. Its dark blood stained the ground it leaked on. The creature reached for its wound with its mouth and, with a swift snap, bit off the disconnected section and swallowed it whole. Acting as if nothing had happened, it turned to look at Mitchell. But it didn’t look at him with the same fierce eyes as before. It seemed calmer. Approving? Respecting?

Just when it seemed about to make its leave, the caves started quaking again. Short shocks, twice a second, quickly increasing in amplitude. Shortly, the ground was shaking so much Mitchell had trouble staying upright. A second wyvern, slightly more imposing, appeared from one of the tunnels in the distance. It hurried towards its ally when it noticed its injury. While it was inspecting the shortened appendage, Mitchell had a short moment to see what would probably be his next challenge. It had an overall more muscular build, larger talons and a number of sharp spikes on its head. With every huff it puffed the air in front of it seemed to vibrate. Its scales looked rougher, in part due to their more maroon color, and its movements lacked elegance.
Its interactions with its wounded companion ended abruptly when it threw its glare at Mitchell. It stretched its neck towards him and let out a surprisingly soft roar. Though his ears had been sparred, Mitchell started feeling uncomfortable as a wave of hot air rolled over him. If the air was this hot when its source was so far away… He pushed the thought aside to think of a plan. How could he scare it off without getting too close to it?

‘Oi!’ A familiar, yelling voice distracted Mitchell. He looked to his left to see Nigel waving his sword around in the air. ‘Think two vee one’s fair fightin’?’
‘The fuck are you doing?’ Mitchell motioned for him to fall back. ‘I got this!’
The beasts had taken notice of the new challenger, too. ‘Ye look ya need some help though. Figured I cash in that spot light!’

Good enough, but that feel when barely any usable synonyms for “tail”. (next)
~ Fang

Comments

  • 13/02/2014 (10:55 AM)

    You’ve done a pretty good job Fang. I don’t think even a badass like Mitchell could handle two Wyverns at once. The only advice I could offer would be to look over it again. I’m too tired to point out the mistakes but there seems to be a couple. They aren’t major, just readability things like David up there pointed out.

  • 12/02/2014 (3:56 PM)

    I have to say, Fang, you are brave. I have such a hesitation about putting my work on my blog for fear of criticism even though I know it’s done with the best of intentions. I really need to learn from you.

  • 12/02/2014 (4:57 AM)

    I don’t know if my criticism is of any value to you but here goes. I like the action in this but the structure needs a bit of polishing. For example, this sentence:

    “A second, slightly more imposing wyvern appeared from one of the tunnels in the distance.”

    I think it would be much more readable if you said it this way:

    A second wyvern, slightly more imposing, appeared from a tunnel in the distance.

Post a comment

Your email will stay hidden, required field are marked with a *.

Experimental anti-spam. You only have to do this once. (Hint: it's "Fang")