Fang Talks

Alien abduction during an acid trip in the Mojave desert
07 02 14

Caves, p63

Normally I write these opening sentences in advance. This time I didn’t. (previous)

The wyvern crawled towards Whelhaven but slowed down as it drew closer, and eventually came to a stop. Using its claws as if climbing and its tail as if slithering it paced from left to right, all the while keeping its head turned towards the boy in the tower. It was observing him. Figuring out its opponent before charging into battle. Its eyes glinted red after it blinked. It had realized something was off.
Something was different from last time.
Mitchell noticed it too. It was the same wyvern he had fought earlier, yet it seemed to have changed. In their previous fight it had been painfully obvious it was just toying around. Now that playfulness had made place for a desire to win. Did it know he was ready to take it on? Had it acknowledged him as a formidable foe?
It roared again, this time directly aiming its screech at Mitchell. The fight was on.

Using its powerful wings and almost spring-like tail it launched itself at Mitchell. It didn’t quite make the jump, but still managed to claw down the tower. The bell was sent flying and crashed into one of the nearby houses. Mitchell had managed to react quickly enough and evaded the attack, though the fall to the ground wasn’t comfortable either. He unsheathed his sword and ran through the gate hoping to keep the monster away from the people.
It had recovered from its jump and was looking to make a second strike at Mitchell. He only now realized how small he was compared to the beast he had challenged, and figured the only way to guarantee any damage to it was to make use of the punches thrown at him. The wyvern prepared to swipe at its foe with a claw, but reconsidered and swiftly turned around. Its tail followed and, with a longer range than he had anticipated, was about to hit Mitchell at very high speed. Only a short second to react, prepare, and counterstrike.

Mitchell shifted his feet to stand more firmly so he could take the hit better, bended his legs a little bit and made his shoes grip into the ground. The tail was now in clear sight.
He held his sword with both hands and angled his blade to point directly into the tail on impact. His grip on it tightened as he made sure to keep it steady. Perfect, but his execution was closing in fast.
Now he had to focus on his energy and pour it all into his sword. He wanted to remember what it felt like when he first did it, but there wasn’t enough time for that. He just had to make do with what felt natural, and fast.
With a loud crack the wyvern’s tail hit Mitchell, continued moving, and slammed into the wall surrounding Whelhaven.

Oh man I sure hope you guys like this. It was super hard to write, but think it came out pretty good. The first paragraph at least. Be harsh! (next)
~ Fang

Comments

  • 10/02/2014 (5:45 PM)

    “Bended” is how I would say that. He bended his legs.

    This was a fantastic bit of action. My only nitpicky gripe? At the top, when you say something is different, then repeat it, then mention that something seemed different. Using the word ‘different’ 3 times in a row is a bit monotonous. Try breaking it up with something different. Pun not intended, but now that I’ve said it, I don’t regret it.

  • 08/02/2014 (4:32 PM)

    Actually I would suggest “bent” but checked Google and it looks like “bended” is the more correct form now.

    I think this part could still use a bit of polishing (sorry I can’t be more specific) but it felt real to me and that is what matters. The story is getting more interesting and I like the cliff hanger.

  • 08/02/2014 (1:04 AM)

    I think it came out great. I was about to feel bad that there was nothing wrong, and then I noticed something. You either need to replace the full stop before “Bended” with a comma, or put the word “He” in there. So it would become either “take the hit bitter, bended his legs” or “Better. He bended”.

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