Fang Talks

too old for this shit
08 12 13

The struggles

What the fuck is wrong with me, someone tell me that.

What’s that? No time, the list’s too long? Damn right it is.
So there’s a ton of school stuff due coming week, and I’ve only barely scratched the surface of it all. Why? This one thing I have to get done by tomorrow. Those who stalk me on Twitter may have seen me bitching about APEX (Oracle Application Express). It’s a tool for developing information-based web “applications” (basically just websites) made by, you guessed it, Oracle. It is a huge pain in the ass to use, doesn’t fit my style at all, and God forbid I end up working with it professionally. If I ever encounter this hellish piece of “enterprise” software again, there’s the choice of calmly walking away, or taking on the job and fixing myself a one-way trip to the afterlife not much later.

I picked Computer Science as a study because, honestly, there weren’t any real alternatives for me. And hey, I already hobby’d around with programming and such so it seemed like a pretty good choice, right? Well, I may’ve picked the wrong road. At the very least I could’ve gone for Technical CS. I was under the impression this was more the “building robots” side of things, but apparently it’s way closer to what I want to do than regular old CS. Already a year and a half in though, can’t make the switch now, and dropping out isn’t an option either.
My expectations when going into CS were “hurray, I get to do programming and learn awesome things!” What I got was nothing like that. A strict “Java only” clause on the programming and a general “we gladly suck Oracle’s dick” attitude, on top of the very heavy (partially understandable) focus on management and planning just ruins the deal for me. As far as actual programming knowledge is concerned, all I’ve learned these past 1.5 years is the official lingo for things I already did, and a slightly better understanding of them here and there.
Look, I know I’m not one to talk, but is this really the way the study should go?

And if school wasn’t bumming me up enough, my own projects haven’t been exactly lively, either. Caves is still in critical condition after experiencing a near-death moment. My gamedev has been absent for months now (though I do have plans to get it back on track), which really isn’t helping either. Things are all just so shit, I can hardly be motivated to put any effort towards anything.
There’s so many opportunities for me laying around but I’m hardly putting any effort into taking them, and when I do, it feels like a but of a chore. And that’s stupid, because I really want to pick all of ’em up, get shit done, and make a name for myself.

For now I’ll just listen to some good tunes while I zone out and then decide it’s high time for me to go to bed.
~ Fang

Comments

  • 09/12/2013 (4:44 PM)

    Take a little time, reevaluate what you want to do with them, but do NOT give them up. Like Damian said, if you abandon those projects, you’re going to regret it. Don’t let your hard work go to waste. We all reach this struggle at one point or another. It’s completely normal, I assure you.

  • 09/12/2013 (5:36 AM)

    Get back on those projects Fang, seriously.

    If you don’t make the time to work on creating the life you want, eventually you’re going to be forced to spend A LOT of the time dealing with a life you don’t want.

  • 09/12/2013 (1:03 AM)

    Good tunes always help. Sounds like you’re just trying to take way too much on and you’re burning yourself out. Get what schoolwork needs to be done, done, and then have yourself a nice break.

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