Pretty much nothing is what. Fuck.
Yeah yeah, another struggles post. There’s folks out there (at least one) who get off on reading this, so why not. It’s kind of starting to bother me how I’m not doing or even actively trying to do anything. Like, pretty much anything. Sure I get a bit of this and that in, but nothing major. Nothing that’ll have a sizable impact on my life. I’m not racking in the big bucks with an amazing idea, I’m not pulling some crazy stunts to get some value out of my life, nothing.
I’m guess I’m afraid to make moves. What if I mess up? I’ll have wasted time and get a bunch of failure to deal with. That shouldn’t be a problem though, because failures actually teach you a lot, so it’s not exactly wasted time. But then why? I should just go up to companies and get my name known, I should just dedicate to projects, I should just step up and demand things from my boss, I should just put some actual effort into improving the parts of me I don’t like. But apparently it’s all easier said than done because I’m not doing any of that.
And then I go mull that shit over in my head and it gets me all depressed. Nothing to worry about, I’m fine and all that, but it just sucks. Then again I’m whining about all this, which is pretty damn stupid to begin with. Instead of bitching about everything I should take action… But I don’t. Fuck me.
I’m not feeling super duper, no. But maybe that’s okay, maybe confronting myself like this once in a while makes me better… somehow.