Fang Talks

28 11 13

Caves, p47

I fear I’m going to go downhill again. Let’s hope it isn’t justified. (previous)

‘Gerald!’ The woman angrily exclaimed without even turning around. ‘I’m trying to do some business here.’
The man sighed. ‘Grandmother please, you are not going to allow these people to get themselves killed, are you?’ He gestured to Mitchell and Andrea to come in. ‘Let me educate you.’
‘What?’ A snarl from the witch. ‘Not in my house!’
Andrea was all too happy to join the woman’s side as she already didn’t like this Gerald. ‘Yeah, mind your own business!’
‘Do not worry about it.’ He said to Mitchell, and again signaled for him to enter. ‘I own this residence, please be my guest.’

Mitchell followed him inside and after he urged her to, Andrea followed as well. The old lady remained at her stall to “keep away the thieves”.
‘I am so sorry about that.’ Gerald showed them to a dinner table. ‘Please take your seat.’
‘What you got for us, Gerald?’ Andrea put up a nasty tone as she spoke his name. She really had something against this guy. His “wise-guy” way of speaking, probably.
Mitchell threw her a disapproving look, but she didn’t notice. ‘I should probably introduce us. This is Andrea, I’m Mitchell.’ The guys shook hands. ‘Thanks for having us.’
Gerald smiled. ‘You should feel lucky. Going up to the surface is not as easy as it seems.’ He looked over to the window. An urn was standing by it. ‘You may even die trying.’
‘But…’ Mitchell wasn’t sure whether to share his origin with Gerard yet. ‘Why is it so dangerous? A fall from up top probably wouldn’t be deadly.’
Gerard wrung together his hands, ‘Let me…’ and looked Mitchell in the eye. ‘Allow me to tell you a story.’
‘Oh boy,’ Andrea jeered. ‘Here we go.’

In the next part, we’ll learn all about monsters, magic and more! Or will we? (next)
~ Fang


  • 02/12/2013 (2:54 PM)

    Other than the fact that “way “wise-guy” way” sounds a little repetitive, this looks great. And you just brought out the nerd in me that is very, very excited to learn about monsters and magic.

  • 29/11/2013 (11:39 PM)

    I think this makes the 3rd post I’ve read of your story. My impression so far is that you are good with dialog especially letting the reader know how the character feels toward the character he is addressing. I didn’t really get the “why” the characters feel the way they do. It might be that I need to read more of the story.

    • 30/11/2013 (12:23 AM)

      You probably should just start from the beginning, as daunting of a task it can be. ;D
      I usually include character’s opinions on others to add to their character, the possibilities of why’s should teach you some more about them. (Or not, in which case I’m a shit writer.)

    • 30/11/2013 (3:46 AM)

      I am planning on reading the entire story but at first blush it was a bit difficult finding each post. Would you consider putting them all together or maybe I just didn’t look hard enough to find them?

    • 30/11/2013 (10:29 AM)

      Heh, yeah. Start here, there should be a link to the next part every time.

    • 01/12/2013 (2:43 AM)

      Thanks! I’m caught up now. I think you have a lot of potential as a writer and the story has potential. But my opinion is probably worth very little to you as the subject is not something I would normally read. I think ABftS’s or Mark’s opinion would be far more valuable.

  • 29/11/2013 (4:12 AM)

    Probably, if you’re the one teasing it. It’s not bad at all Fang mah boi. Just the little bit of missed tense there. It should be “Followed him inside”. Mitchell should probably know that a fall from that high probably might kill him. I think when he appeared he looked around and didn’t see a hole that he would have fallen through.

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