Fang Talks

Stupid boy!
04 11 13

Caves, p43

A new day, a new Caves. Kinda tired for this, but we’ll see how well I fare. (previous)

Mara did a roll across the floor as she entered with a bunch of leaves in her hands. ‘Gottem!’ One could tell she was still in a state of worry, but she had a slightly more peppy expression now, probably still absorbed in the running around she did.
‘Thanks, Mara.’ Lenart took the leaves from her, accidentally crushing them a bit in the process. They were quite brittle, most likely dried so they could be kept longer without going bad. He wrapped them up in a long strip of cloth, making sure to cover the bunch in its entirety. Some of the blood on his hands dirtied the fabric, but he didn’t seem to mind. It ended up being a small, well-compressed package. ‘Keep this under your tongue,’ He put it in Andrea’s mouth. ‘Chew on it every so often.’

It was a rather harrowing scene. A girl laying in the cottage of some old but still seemingly youthful man. Her back covered in his blood. Drops of bloody drool dripping out every time she cried because of the man gently pressing down his hands. Sweating. Though contorted into a hilly landscape, her forehead brightly reflected the dim light emitted from the one candle in the room when it wasn’t covered by her bangs. The bundle of leaves fell out of her mouth and spilled its contents over the floor.
Not that it mattered, the narcotics seemingly weren’t taking effect anyway.

Lenart washed and bandaged his hands before sitting down with Mitchell. ‘You could’ve left if you wanted.’ The boy had had his own share of rough time listening to the wails of his friend. It hadn’t gone unnoticed.
‘I know.’
A couple of quick nods. ‘Commendable.’ Moments of silence passed with Mitchell quickly glancing over at the sleeping Andrea every few seconds. ‘She’ll be fine.’ Lenart reassured him. ‘You should get some rest too.’

Hope I captured that intense scene well. First few sentences seem okay (bretty gud, iissm), but I think I kinda fell off afterwards. You tell me! (next)
~ Fang


  • 05/11/2013 (3:52 AM)

    Nah it was alright. You went into a pretty good amount of description and it all went together pretty well. The only thing is that I felt it could have been maybe a little longer. Mitchell staying didn’t have much of an impact if you’re only mentioning that she was clearly in pain at the end.

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