Well here’s a slightly depressing post.
I think it’s important to be able to see your own flaws. Not in a deep introspective way, but… more casually than that? Regardless, I’m not all that good at it. Okay that statement was kind of contradicting itself, so let’s just assume for now that I’m “okay” at it. Realizing your flaws is a good first step towards overcoming them. I’m not saying you need to iron out every single wrinkle in your shirt, but knowing they’re there can never hurt.
Might as well be a good example for y’all while I’m at it, right? Well fuck, here goes then.
I’m childish. Really, really childish. I like to believe I also have a more mature side, but that one’s basically nonexistent, as goes for most other things I like to believe about myself. Living like an adult frightens me. Not so much the independency aspect as the part where I have so many responsibilities. And jobs man, fuck. I really don’t see myself working for a big company. I can’t handle that, it doesn’t seem fun in the slightest. But then smaller companies put so much heavy lifting on the few employees they have, that all seems a bit overwhelming too.
Unbelievable stubborn. I hadn’t fully realized how bad it was until recently. In some cases I really hate admitting I’m wrong. If I feel like doing stuff my way, I will do it my way, no exceptions. I have way strong opinions about things that don’t even really matter, and feel the need to fiercely defend them whenever they come up. And when someone talks bad about something I associate myself with, even in the slightest? I secretly feel really offended even though that’s not necessary at all.
Social interactions are okay, but their intricate details and handling those appropriately is something I find hard. How do people keep checks on all these tiny factors when talking to someone? I usually just blurt away. Lucky for my that tends to go alright, but still. The fact that I at times have trouble with empathy isn’t helping either.
And then when I do something bad and it’s pointed out to me, I feel bad over it for years even though every party involved has already agreed to it not being that big a deal. I dwell on the past too much.
Motivation is something I find hard to come by. I usually just fuck around and drop things whenever I’ve gotten bored with them. (Basically every project I’ve ever started ever.) It seems as though I’m unable to dedicate myself to something. Unable to finish things.
I feel so naked right now.