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Caves, p42

Here we are once again. Sleepy-eyed, but I’ll write this part nonetheless. (previous)

The man held Mitchell’s loot in his hands for a while. Eyes closed, steady breathing, it all seemed pretty ceremonial. He snapped out of it by the second time Andrea coughed loudly, the small splatters of blood mixing in an unpleasant sound.
‘Fine, I’ll help you.’ Still not very friendly, but it was a start. ‘But lay one finger on my village, and you’re done for.’ What little bit of compassion he seemed to be showing completely left him already.
Mitchell was a bit taken aback by the sudden and successive changes in conversational tone. ‘We don’t intend any harm, promise.’ He tried hiding his sigh of relief, but it looked like the man caught wind of it anyway.

The man rolled out a mat and had Andrea lay down on her stomach atop it. He asked Mara to fetch the “narcotics” from Leola. The way he made the request made it all seem rather ominous and struck a little bit of fear in Mitchell. Mara hastily fled outside to complete her task, leaving Andrea and Mitchell with only each other as familiar faces.
‘So, sir,’ Mitchell broke the monotonous sound of a small knife being sharpened. ‘What are you going to do?’
‘Don’t call me sir,’ the man snapped. ‘I’m too old for that. Name’s Lenart, it’d serve you well to remember it.’
‘Oh!’ Mitchell quickly stood up and extended his hand to properly introduce himself. Lenart turned to look, but went back to his knife without taking any action. Either because he had no interest in shaking hands with Mitchell, or because he didn’t know the gesture. ‘I’m Mitchell. My friend here’s A-‘
‘Andrea.’ She cut him off, faked a cocky smile. ‘Not dead yet Mitch, don’t worry.’

Lenart didn’t even turn this time, and simply started his explanation. ‘I thought by now you’d have a vague idea what’s going on, but apparently not. She’s not tolerant to the energy the gemite gives off.’ His knife had been sharpened, and he turned back to his patient. ‘Her body’s essentially overreacting to the stuff, though it doesn’t pose a threat. Ain’t a pretty sight, but that’s just how some people are.’
‘Energy?’ Mitchell refrained from asking way specific questions and instead opted for a more vague request of further clarification.
Lenart nodded. ‘The stuff gemites give off, you must’ve felt it before. Everyone seems to be coining the term gemergy lately, but the name doesn’t matter.’ He pulled Andrea’s shirt up to her shoulders, revealing a couple of small scars on an otherwise smooth back. ‘I’ll be nudging her body in the right direction, have it go with the flow of things.’ He took the knife and stabbed the palms of both of his hands with it. Blood flowed at a high rate, falling onto Andrea’s back. Then, with his wounds still open, he smeared it all out. ‘Might get a bit painful.’

I feel like I’m constantly hopping between writing styles. It may be a bit hard to judge though, since both writing and reading has these three-day gaps in between parts. And how did that explanation go? No talking wall of text, right? (next)
~ Fang

Comments

  • 04/11/2013 (2:54 PM)

    Everything sounds good with the exception of this sentence, which is a little awkward: “The man rolled out a mat and had Andrea lay down on it on her front.” “On it on her front” is kind of clunky, especially with the double “on.” Something better might be “The man rolled out a mat and had Andrea lay down on her stomach atop it.”

    All else is great! To the next installment!

  • 01/11/2013 (4:10 AM)

    No talking wall of text, which is always good. I don’t think a cranky old man would really use the phrase “All the cool kids these days seem to be coining the term gemergy.” It’s a tiny complaint for an otherwise fine chapter.

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