Fang Talks

User-inspired slogans!
16 09 13

Caves, p31

“It’s not a plot hole, it’s a plot device” edition. (Related, new slogans have been added!) (previous)

After Mitchell said his goodbyes to Roy he went to pack his stuff. He had chosen not to pay another visit to Nigel and the rest. Didn’t want to stir up a commotion, and they weren’t that close friends anyway. Going back and telling Warren did cross his mind but the man’d probably tell him to not bother trying, or worse.
Being done gathering his things pretty quickly, Mitchell felt rather ill-equipped. He may very well be gone for a long, long time and crawling back for more supplies wasn’t something he was very keen on.

While walking through the marketplace on the lookout for anything that may come in handy on his journey, Mitchell spotted Andrea running across town, towards the Bastion. She probably just got back from a job. He wanted to call out to her but didn’t because he knew he wouldn’t be able to tell her he was leaving. Telling Roy was one thing, Andrea was a different story entirely. He felt a bit guilty over this but shrugged it off as he went back to the more important matter at hand. Some stalls were already closing so he had better get a move on.

At the end of the day, with all his newly acquired gear spread across the floor of his room, Mitchell sat down and gathered his thoughts. He had to talk some courage into himself, it had been slowly slipping away from him ever since he told Roy he was going to do it. Announcing it to someone else made the decision feel much more final that it did the night before. It wasn’t exactly a point of no return but going back on his words seemed like a really chicken thing to do.
Then again, that’s what he felt like; a chicken.
But he knew that if he wasn’t going to do it now, he wouldn’t ever try getting back again. A do or die situation for his “normal” life.
‘I will probably die doing this.’
An incredibly off-putting thought crossed his mind but luckily he didn’t dwell on it. He shoved his stuff into one corner of his room and went to bed early. He’d be getting up before dawn the next morning.

Not really feeling it, but I hope it doesn’t show too badly. As recommended I experimented with newlines a bit in that last paragraph. Think I overdid it, but you be the judge. (next)
~ Fang

Comments

  • 17/09/2013 (1:01 AM)

    I don’t think the new lines are an issue or anything. Right now actually the only thing I can point out is that some of those commas are better served replaced by connecting words such as “and” and “then”, and some of them should be semi-colons. Especially “Then again, that’s what he felt like; a chicken.”
    That’s with the semi-colon of course.

Post a comment

Your email will stay hidden, required field are marked with a *.

Experimental anti-spam. You only have to do this once. (Hint: it's "Fang")