Fang Talks

Time to use GameMaker!
28 08 13

Caves, p26

Late in multiple ways. Still kind of burnt, but whatever, the caves won’t stop bustling with life any time soon. (previous)

‘So anyway,’ Warren exclaimed as if closing up a topic he’d rather not talk about. ‘How’s the guild work been going?’
Andrea suddenly sat upright, like she was happy that the question was being asked. ‘I helped out Sanna the other day! All the wounded are making her-‘
‘I wasn’t asking you.’ Warren sneered at her. He probably didn’t mean to, but it seemed to hit Andrea pretty hard anyway.
‘Oh, uh…’ Mitchell hastily tried to formulate an opinion. ‘It’s okay, aside from the whole “your life is at risk” thing.’
Warren laughed, maybe a little too enthusiastically given the subject. ‘I wouldn’t worry about it! So, are you joining?’
‘Not… right now, no.’ He noticed a hint of disappointment on Warren’s face. ‘It’s not out of the question though! I’ve made a lot of friends here, after all. And I still don’t have any alternatives either!’
‘It’s okay, give it some time.’

‘So, what are you up to now?’ Andrea leaned a bit closer to Mitchell. They had taken their place at their table on the Bastion’s main floor again. Oddly, Roy was nowhere to be found.
‘Not much I think. Still pretty worn out, I may as well lay on bed and do nothing all day.’
Andrea frowned. ‘Aww don’t be like that! Must be something you got the energy for?’
‘Give me a break. I don’t see you slaying mythical creatures without getting tired.’
‘Yeah!’ She suddenly got all excited. Mitchell knew this couldn’t mean much good for him. ‘Since you’re new here, you don’t know much about the lore of those things, right?’
‘Now I’ve gone and done it.’
‘No, no, hear me out. You should head to the library and read some books!’ Mitchell let out a small sigh of relief. ‘See, not that bad an idea eh?’
He smiled a little. ‘Give me directions and I’ll be on my way then.’
‘Hah! You still don’t know your way around town?’

That’s all for today, hope I could satisfy. First part of this seems like a way different (more detailed) writing style. Is it any good? (next)
~ Fang

Comments

  • 29/08/2013 (1:59 AM)

    The writing style of the first part is pretty good but you started in present tense and then slipped into past tense. The rest of the story has been in past tense so past that up and you should be okay. Other than that I think the only problem I noticed is that it should read “They had taken their place at their table” and actually even that sounds a little off. Maybe “They were sat at their table from before” or “they were sat on the table from before”…ahh there’s too many variations.

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