Fang Talks

Row row, fight the power!
28 05 13

Caves, p7

Oh buoy, here we go again! Let’s hope I do better than last time.

Suddenly, a voice could be heard right behind Mitchell. ‘I knew you would.’
Frightened, he swiftly turned his head around, only to find Warren standing behind him. He sighed. ‘You scared me, old man!’
‘Hey!’ Andrea kicked his leg under the table. Mitchell flinched, looked at her. She gave him a disapproving stare. ‘Respect your elders, Mitch!’
‘Sorry, sorry’. Mitchell apologized to both Andrea and Warren, rubbing his shin.
Warren shrugged, and continued. ‘You’ll have to pick a role to work in eventually, but you get a couple of days to orient yourself. I recommend you tag along with some of the members to see what their roles are like, but you can also take on some jobs by yourself, experience if they fit you and all that. I’ll hear from you in a couple of days.’ And with that, he walked back upstairs, into his office.

‘You sure have some balls, talking to Warren like that!’ one of Andrea’s friends, Orelia, exclaimed. Mitchell had a confused look on his face.
Andrea sighed. ‘You’ll learn to respect and admire him soon enough. Just try and behave for now, will ya?’
‘Sure, but… was that really it? Am I a member of the Bastion now?’
‘He just told you, didn’t he? Go take a look at the roles, take some jobs to experience them, and pick your favorite! It ain’t rocket science pal.’
Mitchell was about to open his mouth, ask some more questions. Andrea noticed, and started talking again.
‘You know what, I’ll take you with me on a job, show you how great it is to be a Scout. How about it?’
‘Yeah, I guess. Don’t know where I should start otherwise.’

She took Mitchell over to a large bulletin board on the far left wall of the bottom floor. It was filled with flyers, requesting for specific things to be done. “LF SCOUT, DEEP EASTWARD MAPPING, ₩4.000”, “UNIDENTIFIED MONSTER DEN, LF KNIGHTS, ₩6.500”, “FOREST FARM ESCORT, ₩700”.
‘You see that one there, the escort one? Seven-hundred Wellards, not too bad for something so simple. They’re not even asking for a Scout specifically this time, so you can join in, no questions asked. You in?’
‘If you can help me through this, yeah, count me in.’
‘Sweet.’ She took the paper off of the board and rolled it up. ‘Come on then, let’s go pick our guy up!’

Meh. Even worse than meh, not all that good. That last paragraph is okay, but the others? Questionable. So yeah, lots of things to be harsh about. (Next part!)
~ Fang


  • 30/05/2013 (2:53 PM)

    No, not much to be harsh about, like Mark said. I think it turned out really well! Here’s one tiny gripe:

    “Mitchell made a confused face.”

    I think there are better ways to say this, even just something like “Mitchell had a confused expression on his face.” When I think of someone “making a face”, I think of a little kid sticking his tongue out.

  • 30/05/2013 (10:32 AM)

    No I don’t think there’s too much to be harsh about. Things made sense, which is the most important thing, and it read together quite well. Have more faith man.

    The only thing that seems a little off to me is the very first sentence.

Post a comment

Your email will stay hidden, required field are marked with a *.

Experimental anti-spam. You only have to do this once. (Hint: it's "Fang")