Fang Talks

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24 05 13

Caves, p6

Turns out I have plenty of time to write this, so didn’t need to rush it. Previous part was here.

The noise outside woke him up. Mitchell got out of bed, stretched, and looked outside. His room being situated on the second floor of the inn, it gave quite a nice view over the marketplace it was next to. He got dressed and went downstairs for breakfast.
‘Good morning Galven, anything special for breakfast today?’
Galven looked up from the paperwork he was busy with. ‘Morning Mitchell! Nothing I know of, sorry.’ He gestured towards the table. It had bread on it, some meats, jams and juices. ‘I do know, however, that tonight will be your last night here if you don’t bring some new funds to the table.’

Mitchell had been here for almost a week now. Andrea had been nice enough to pay for a room in the local inn, so he didn’t have to worry about that yet. In the last few days he had learned his way around town, and even made some friends. He had met most of them through Andrea, so a large part of them were members of Whelhaven Bastion. Now that his free nights in the inn were running out, he’d have to find a job soon. He had heard the townsfolk give the guild members a lot of praise for their work, and he kind of wanted to be part of that.

Later that morning Mitchell found himself, once again, standing in front of the Whelhaven Bastion. The doors were wide open, cheerful chatter came from inside.
‘Mitch, my man, come on in!’ Andrea was sitting at a table near the entrance and waved at him.
He entered, greeted her and the friends she was with, and sat down with them. There were quite a lot of people there already, some in discussion, planning things, others appeared to be chatting about less important things. Some had weapons with them, a group of guys with large swords stood out. The guys themselves didn’t look too frightening, but their broad, rugged blades came over as intimidating.
‘So,’ Andrea leaned forward. ‘You coming here can only mean one thing, right?’
‘Yeah. I think I’ll be applying to the guild.’

That’s as far as I’ll go for now. Having a rough time continuing, not really feeling it. Oh well, better luck next time.
~ Fang


  • 24/05/2013 (10:14 PM)

    Well he had better hope the approval process takes less than a day and he can find some work, huh? It’s good though and the only thing I have close to a problem is “His room being situated on the second floor, it gave quite a nice view over the marketplace it was next to.” That just doesn’t sound right to me. I think I would change it to something like “Mitchell got out of bed, stretched, and looked outside at the marketplace below. His room was situated on the second floor of the inn and it gave him quite a good view of it.”

    Even that doesn’t sound too right really.

  • 24/05/2013 (10:09 PM)

    I can tell you’re not quite feeling it because sentences like “Some had weapons with them, a group of guys with large swords stood out” sound kinda lazy. Like you’re just trying to get this part over with. I know you’ve got some good descriptions in you, so punch this sentence up. Make us feel like we’re right there with you. To be blunt, a group of guys with large swords could mean just about anything. Are they a group of young guys with two-handed broadswords, or they a group of well-seasoned warriors with longswords?

    Keep at it!

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