Fang Talks

Unsavvy Codewimp

Remember yesterday’s post?

I wrote a short piece based on one sentence that came to mind. Mark displayed interest (and I don’t know if anyone other than him read it?), and I was like “eh, might as well”, so here’s the second part of this nameless (and currently plotless) story. Enjoy!

‘Two whiskey sours please.’
Julie had walked away. She did pack her stuff and get dressed properly on suggestion of Neill before she left, but hadn’t spoken a word to him during that time. Neill still felt weird about the whole ordeal, so he contacted a friend of his, and they met up in a local pub. He had ordered whiskey sours for the both of them. Neill knew his pal well enough to know he wasn’t a huge fan of the drink, but ordered it anyway in the hope that his taste would adjust a bit.
‘So, what’s troubling you?’
‘Damn, Brian, you’re spot on as always!’
‘Your face usually doesn’t carry this sad an expression, so it’s not that hard to tell something’s up.’
Neill took a sip of his whiskey. ‘Well, you know Julie, right?’
‘I thought I told you,’ Brian sighed, ‘I thought I told you it’s not a very good idea to take care of her in your current situation.’
‘You did, but I was stubborn, and there was no way I could turn such a cute face down. But then stuff at work got serious and I asked her for help.’
Brian was reluctantly taking a sip of his whiskey, but when Neill said that, he spat it right out out of surprise. ‘You asked her to help you with work? Are you insane‽’
‘I did, and now she left and I feel surprisingly miserable about this whole thing.’ He dropped his head to the bar, making a rather loud bang sound.
‘That hurt didn’t it?’
‘Sure did.’

‘Two whiskey sours please.’
Neill had let Julie leave. He had suggested her to pack her stuff and get dressed properly, but didn’t say anything to her after that. Julie wished she had stayed with him, but who knows what she would’ve had to do then. She had spent most of the day walking around on the streets. As the sun went down, she had decided to just visit a pub, so she had some shelter from the cold late-autumn wind.
She sighed and quickly chugged down one of her whiskeys. Neill had treated her to one a while back, and she really quite liked it. How much the two of them had in common, she and the guy who asked something ridiculous of her. If only he hadn’t.
‘Are you alright miss?’ The bartender had stopped messing with the glasses to try and strike up a conversation with one of his customers. Or rather, his only one at the moment.
‘Oh- yes, I’m fine really.’ Though she tended to have a bit of an attitude around people she knows, Julie was quite shy in places where she knew nobody. ‘I just got this and that happening, you know how it goes.’
The man behind the counter laughed. ‘Surely then you got better things to do than to hang around in a place like this?’
Julie gulped up her second whiskey sour, and hesitated for a bit. ‘Nah, not really.’

Please tell me what you think!
~ Fang

Comments

  • 20/08/2012 (9:02 AM)

    You and Mark are some impressive writers.

  • 20/08/2012 (8:43 AM)

    The only thing I could think of was whether or not I’ve had whiskey before. Are whiskey sours any good?

    Also not sure how this second part relates to murder. :P

  • 20/08/2012 (7:52 AM)

    This is really good man! I loved reading it! I’ll put this onto my phone, along with part one, and give it another read, and give detailed feedback ASAP.

  • 20/08/2012 (3:00 AM)

    I like how Neill seems like a big ignorant lout. It makes him endearing.

  • 20/08/2012 (2:17 AM)

    Well if I’m really the only one reading, and you email it to me anyway, then eh. But I do still like it. It also came across much better on my computer than it did on my phone. You know what I think really, and I do hope that other people read it. Remember, Immortal Space started out plotless and nameless from seven words. If I can do that, imagine what you can do.

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