Not the usual “meh fuck it” mood, but the really, really very shitty one. And to be honest I’m not quite sure how to handle it right now.
Been rather tired ever since the test week ended, which was like, two weeks after Christmas break. But I managed that, and stayed on track pretty much. But since, what, two days or so now I’ve been feeling rather damn shitty. I don’t know why (or maybe I actually do but just don’t want to know) but something’s been pulling on me, stripping me of my energy.
Getting pissed off at things slightly easier too. Not to mention that things also get me down quicker. Fuck whatever happened to the all optimistic, happy-go-lucky, keep-your-morals-up, what-are-you-doing-son, excited me? I’m not as I was, I don’t act or feel as free.
Maybe I just need a straight answer to one question. I think I already know the answer –and the shittier one at that–, but that shouldn’t get me down like this. That one smile was so worth it, it should be more than enough a reward by itself. Then why am I overthinking other parts of the story like this? Overthinking, filling my mind with fuss. It shouldn’t matter that much, but now it feels like it really does.
I wonder if I can just sort of reach over and pull myself towards the coming break. But no, I got to pull myself through tomorrow, first. At least my friend will be teaching me guitar again after school, so that’s something to look forward to I guess. It’s just, things, you know. They feel fucked up as far as feelings of things go.
Guess it’s best to stop dwelling on it for now though. Sorry to depress you guys like this but it feels good to write things down like this. That’s one of the reasons why I like blogging, I guess.
Welp, see you tomorrow.