Today I introduce you to the most generous man, but also partaker in the biggest bullshit ever: Sinterklaas.
I hear you thinking, “who’s this douchebag?” Well look no further, I’ll run you through it.
He’s an old, bearded saint living somewhere in Spain. Halfway November, he hauls ass over to the Netherlands (and also Belgium and some parts of France) along with his native-American slaves to give all the kids (and grownups) candy and presents. But mostly candy.
December 5th –today– is his birthday. On the evening of that day (also known as “pakjesavond” which roughly translates to “present evening”) children and parents alike are brought a bag full of presents and other fun things.
However, people who live on their own or don’t have a lot of money don’t get any presents.
Why, you ask?
Sinterklaas is a FAKE. A fakey fakey fake. Much like –spoilers– SANTA CLAUSE IS YOUR PARENTS, SINTERKLAAS IS YOUR PARENTS TOO.
It’s an old tradition I believe, that is still continued today due to the shop owners going all “PEOPLE BUY OUR SHIT SINTERKLAAS IS IN THE COUNTRY”. Much like Santa Clause, IT’S FUCKING CAPITALISM ALL UP AND OVER THIS BITCH.
Ranting aside, I got some sweet loot. Chocolate, gingerbread-ish half-orbs better known as “kruidnoten” or “pepernoten” (ugh god this sounds so stupid), some money, awesome but fake headphones, AND OH GOD THIS HOMESTUCK POSTER IS COMING MY WAY HNNGG.
Yeah, you’ve probably had enough of me by now.