Fang Talks

Fang Talks v3.0

Today I introduce you to the most generous man, but also partaker in the biggest bullshit ever: Sinterklaas.

I hear you thinking, “who’s this douchebag?” Well look no further, I’ll run you through it.

He’s an old, bearded saint living somewhere in Spain. Halfway November, he hauls ass over to the Netherlands (and also Belgium and some parts of France) along with his native-American slaves to give all the kids (and grownups) candy and presents. But mostly candy.

December 5th –today– is his birthday. On the evening of that day (also known as “pakjesavond” which roughly translates to “present evening”) children and parents alike are brought a bag full of presents and other fun things.
However, people who live on their own or don’t have a lot of money don’t get any presents.

Why, you ask?
Sinterklaas is a FAKE. A fakey fakey fake. Much like –spoilers– SANTA CLAUSE IS YOUR PARENTS, SINTERKLAAS IS YOUR PARENTS TOO.

It’s an old tradition I believe, that is still continued today due to the shop owners going all “PEOPLE BUY OUR SHIT SINTERKLAAS IS IN THE COUNTRY”. Much like Santa Clause, IT’S FUCKING CAPITALISM ALL UP AND OVER THIS BITCH.

Ranting aside, I got some sweet loot. Chocolate, gingerbread-ish half-orbs better known as “kruidnoten” or “pepernoten” (ugh god this sounds so stupid), some money, awesome but fake headphones, AND OH GOD THIS HOMESTUCK POSTER IS COMING MY WAY HNNGG.

Yeah, you’ve probably had enough of me by now.
~ Fang

Comments

  • Quintingja
    20/12/2016 (1:22 PM)

    Sounds like someone is triggered

    • 21/12/2016 (12:40 PM)

      Couldn’t agree more. What even is this post?

  • Anonymous
    07/06/2013 (9:17 PM)

    you are aware that Santa Claus is the Sinterklaas Rip-off.
    at the time off the declaration of independence, the people of the newly founded america didn’t want the same holiday as in europe so they changed the dutch holiday sinterklaas from 5 to 25 december and his name to santa claus.

    And he did EXIST, a long time a ago.

    Pakjesavond is a time when people come together and have fun.

    I know it, beccause I’m dutch. so don’t comment on my english.

    • 08/06/2013 (2:35 AM)

      Yeah, I recently found out so, thanks for mentioning.

  • Anonymous
    08/12/2011 (11:30 PM)

    I quote “Pre-modern representations of the gift-giver from church history and folklore, notably St Nicholas and Sinterklaas, merged with the British character Father Christmas to create the character known to Britons and Americans as Santa Claus.”. So technically Santa Claus is a ripoff of Sinterklaas.

    • Anonymous
      07/06/2013 (9:19 PM)

      St Nicholas and Sinterklaas are the same person.

  • 06/12/2011 (7:28 PM)

    Sinterklass can’t be fake. What are the odds of him and Santa both being fake?

  • 06/12/2011 (6:07 PM)

    Sinterklaas is real you just think hes fake cause Santa is.

  • Anonymous
    06/12/2011 (6:05 PM)

    You’re just mad you didn’t get his horse..

  • 06/12/2011 (7:21 AM)

    I am actually Sinterklass.

  • 06/12/2011 (3:38 AM)

    He is not fake! :P

  • 06/12/2011 (1:25 AM)

    I was just talking to my friend about this. I told her that Santa Claus wasn’t real, and for the exact reason you put up there, is that if he was real the poor families would be getting a but load of gifts too.

    It would be nice if he was real though, we have to keep the magic in something!

  • G
    05/12/2011 (11:32 PM)

    it’s all about the green

  • 05/12/2011 (10:11 PM)

    My favorite Santa ripoff is probably Mr. Hankey the Christmas Poo. I don’t like his presents though…

  • 05/12/2011 (10:10 PM)

    This guy does sound a bit like a douche, but Santy Claus is totally real.

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